:MY DaY MY WaY:

Saturday, May 17, 2008 It has been a week since my practicum ended. I had fun teaching at Chestnut and hope that my students will feel that my lessons had helped them attain an interest in the English language. Compared to my previous lessons at Regent, I feel I have developed in terms of professional knowledge and personal attributes. I am more attuned to my students' learning styles, and realize that students learn best when they are having fun. (although sometimes the noise can get really bad) For my lower secondary kids, you have been good most of the time, and I am thankful to you all. ~ ~ On a note for my students, I have been posted to Yishun Junior College, so I will not be returning to either Regent or Chestnut (unless as a guest). However, you all can still see me around, either outdoors (yes, I have run into some of you, often when I am not aware of your presence) or if the junior college path is your educational calling. So do well in your studies and we shall meet again soon enough. weijie froze in time on 17.5.08 Tuesday, February 05, 2008 This will be a short entry. For all my students, the ministry has decided to post me to another school (Chestnut Drive) to undergo my 10 week teaching examination. So I will not be going back to Regent, at least from February to June. I will see what can be done meanwhile, because I am not in control of where I go for my teaching exams, as well as the final posting, when I pass my examinations. But this does not mean that you cannot consult me for anything now. Feel free to tag and ask me questions about anything, and I will do my best to help you all. Once a teacher, always is. Do enjoy the holidays and stay happy! Youth is something priceless and enjoyable, so have fun and study well too. weijie froze in time on 5.2.08 Monday, December 03, 2007 Indeed, it has been a couple of months since I posted here. ~ ~ So far things have been pretty settled, and I am enjoying my holidays. I fully expect to get busier once term time kicks in, so I will just relax and savor this moment. I am also happily attached, so I am so much more blessed and happier. ~ ~ As time flies, I realize I have less to write on this portal, due to constraints of work. Perhaps I am past the age I want to record my thoughts online, or I have mellowed and simply prefer to keep my thoughts to myself. In any case, what this means, is that I will post shorter posts (if any at all) in future. ~ ~ Meanwhile, I will still check back regularly to reply to messages and to update any current happenings, most probably only if they are significant. ~ ~ Perfect Play! weijie froze in time on 3.12.07 Indeed, it has been a couple of months since I posted here. ~ ~ So far things have been pretty settled, and I am enjoying my holidays. I fully expect to get busier once term time kicks in, so I will just relax and savor this moment. I am also happily attached, so I am so much more blessed and happier. ~ ~ As time flies, I realize I have less to write on this portal, due to constraints of work. Perhaps I am past the age I want to record my thoughts online, or I have mellowed and simply prefer to keep my thoughts to myself. In any case, what this means, is that I will post shorter posts (if any at all) in future. ~ ~ Meanwhile, I will still check back regularly to reply to messages and to update any current happenings, most probably only if they are significant. ~ ~ Perfect Play! weijie froze in time on 3.12.07 Wednesday, October 03, 2007 It has been a month since I posted on this portal, no thanks to a combination of work and other commitments. It suffices now to say that I have finished most of my work, and will be freer, until the announcement of more assignments. Nonetheless it is important that we do not spend too much time on work alone, and neglect the people around us. ~ ~ Life has been decent, and the group as a whole has got chummier. Indeed there are differences and a few fall persons, but by and large cordial. It is so much better than the cut-throat, senseless vocation that I took up a while back, since there is at least some sort of purpose in the things I formulate and implement. No doubt some of the execution could have been more ideal, but I am not complaining, so long I clear the hurdle, even by the barest minimum of scores. ~ ~ I wonder if it is time, but I do not see a need to put a lot of ideas in one seating as of late, especially that my rants are often incessant and tautological in the past. Probably I will be more succinct, but again that will not be me, if I compromise my beliefs for the sake of convenience, and sanity. ~ ~ Recently, there are some educational reforms mooted and the mood I gather is one that is positive, and it is not just the monetary benefits. It may or may not affect me, but I am past caring. Money is good, and I am a simple man. More regard will be heading the neighborhood schools' way, instead of the high and mighty elite who have dominated the funds thus far. Perhaps it is time they gave some to the man-in-the-street and his sons/daughters their refunds for misguided faith. Although it is a good gesture, we need to wait a little longer to see if the policies are really administered at ground level. ~ ~ For the kids out there, the current period is a moment of immense stress, suffering and pain. What I wish to say, is to do your best, do not give up and remember to persevere all the way. Most importantly, do not let anyone down, and I guess it is good. After all, youth is meant to be experiential and entertaining, and once the time is lost, the exuberance cannot be recovered. So enjoy your times, while you are allowed to make a little mistake down the road, and recuperate and learn from life's lessons. weijie froze in time on 3.10.07 Monday, September 03, 2007 This week is a good week since there is no need to go for training, since everything is supposed to be online, or rather an exercise in lip service. Since we need to head towards an technologically-savvy world, we must walk the talk and do work to make up for our physical absences in class. At least I attained something I have not done for a while since the holidays- wake up late on a legitimate, "Blue Monday" morning, which makes up for the excess work allocated to us. ~ ~ I went back to my former school on the eve of teachers' day. It was heartening to see that most of the kids still remembered me, and in return I got a earful from my former superior, for causing them to be off task. But I do not mind the lecture, since it was done in good faith, and I am sure I do not want my future kids to be off task when faced with an unexpected happening myself. In any case, I decided to head to the back of the hall, and later the canteen, where I was less conspicuous. I talked to some of my kids, as well as waved at others. In case, I neglected any call-outs, I must apologize, but at least you can nudge me online or spam the mail. I appreciate all the call-outs and exchanges: 1-3, 1-6, 1-8, 1-9, a couple from 2-3, and the kids for my intensive English lessons (I am sure I did not forget anyone, check this space if I do; and I do not mean "kids" in a derisory manner, just a warm manner of address). ~ ~ Incidentally, I heard that quite a few of my brethren has chosen, or contemplating to leave the service, for official or personal reasons. Indeed, the brain drain is immense, and the lure of the outside world is tempting. As a newly-bred entrant to the service, I must say the private sector has its appeals, but it would be so foolhardy to expect that the returns are only financial (but nobody would say no to more money) and self-deluded forms of achievements. I always insist the private sector is out to make profits, and the personnel are just cogs in the gear, to make more money. Fueling these aims, involves invoking a rational person's raison d'etre, which is actualization of worth. For instance, if the boss gives me more bonus, does it mean I am regarded in a more worthy sense, or that I just helped him get promoted, so he can get somewhere amidst the mess of nuts and bolts? I always find the world amusing when I see happy but deluded people who made their first "insert choice word of the moment", since it necessarily leads to the next "betterment", and the cycle goes on. We must first recognize the rat race is inevitable, since it provides us (in a relatively prosperous nation) a comfortable-enough existence. If we can extract ourself from the rat race that seeks to impose itself upon us, we will become liberated, and not think too gravely of this illusory world. Worth is what we seek to impose on ourselves, through the lenses of others. In our desire to satisfy the desires of many others, we often do not realize why we are doing the things we do. This leads to defeatism and the perceived inability to manage ourselves. I am in a tough vocation, as most people would say, but mindsets do matter, and hopefully, I can brace myself for the challenges ahead. ~ ~ It has been a few busy weeks in the education circle. There are many initiatives rolled out, to benefit the masses, as well as the talented. I am a critical person, but I will retain some critiques of the system to myself, since reasoning the system thoroughly will require an overhaul of what is defined as education in the first case. Instead, I will talk about something that is pertinent to school-goers, which is about the elites and the supposedly non-elites. It does not take a very learned person to recognize that the world is necessarily unfair, and anti-social. We exist interdependently, because we grudgingly recognize we cannot do everything by ourselves. There will be people who need to lead, and people who need to follow, in order to establish an accepted form of social contract and normative rule. As such, justice becomes flawed, since people do exist on unfair terms, right from birth. Education becomes a route to iron out the deficit caused by birthright, but if we presuppose that the elites will do better since they already get a head-start through no fault of their own (cue: blame the system), then education is likely to be less instrumental in deciding who gets to the top, in the presence of instituted hierarchies, which seek to propagate more of their own, ie. born-elites. Self-made elites are sufficiently rare as to give the have-nots, some hope of beating the game of life, but in the end, leadership is necessarily vested in falsehood. Education in the context here is partial liberation, to entice betterment of society and the achievement of goals which makes the system persistent, yet gives some hope to people who exist within this enclosed cage. Elites are in name but here to stay, yet non-elites (including yours faithfully) can rest assured that we have some form of recognition, which makes life more meaningful. ~ ~ Let people who want to achieve fortunes and fame seek their own, but what we do for our loved ones will remain our own, untempered by others-made prejudices and unreasonable demands placed upon us. weijie froze in time on 3.9.07 Tuesday, August 21, 2007 It has been a good while since I updated anything over this portal. Meanwhile life is pleasantly blissful but it will be busier when the content syllabus starts piling and the assignments hit their dues. For me, training is like a return to school life, to turn up and react to stimulus, and complain a little about administration lapses and unforgivable mistakes. I shall not dwell on the latter. ~ ~ Recently a friend was embroiled in a civil suit involving copyright laws. He is one of many that the organization has targeted to pay damages, which are grossly unsubstantiated, at least by the rationale thus presented. There are many presentations of facts online and in print media, so there is no need to further any causes or to proclaim the downfall of regimes; there is this idiom which translates literally: justice is in the hearts of the public. Nobody can exonerate himself of wrongdoings, be it in the past, present or future, and everyone has a part to play. Being a student of the English language, it bugs me no end for a legitimate (and copyrighted) product which involves a protagonist's (main character) name morphing into two objects of nature, which makes no sense when placed together. It is worse than non-native English, but at least we cannot fault the non-natives for lack of effort. Bearing in mind the rightful authorities are legitimate, I will be pleased to take up a resident role of translator, re-writing unintelligible English into "Engrish" (try googling the word and have fun, from the linguistic point of view). ~ ~ Another point I want to make, is in the arena of policy recommendations. I will not think too hard about policy implications, but first and foremost, it would be pretty sad to toil 65 years of life at work, and it is a social construct to assimilate work identity with happiness and contentment. Do we want to say we maintained our lives for our families' wellbeing, or that we sold our lives to fill yet another corporation's coffers? In all, it is about economic necessity, and the authorities are not so naive, as not to know that compulsory savings will not work out and this fact has been proven in academic writings, decades ago. Incidentally that article is pretty elusive, but it suffices to let in the point that I agree. That is why we have the disillusioned individual with the vision of riding into the sunset, but since money is locked in and property is landlocked, becomes entrenched and defeated, only able to see an illusory mirage of the utopia, that is increasingly threatened by age. The real issue is emotional rather than monetary, and unless we address the rot, unsustainable progression,(my term), we will never be content. Maybe we should grow a tail if the idea is for us to keep evolving, and that is even if I subscribe to the Darwinist tradition, which I am not a convert. I am partial to the other end of the continuum, but I shall not elaborate. ~ ~ Education is also a major concern, which is incidentally a core area of my professional interest. There will be another institute of higher learning, for which its designation and niches are still in the works, and in the hands of yet another committee.Coincidentally, an established university just pulled out, so I propose that the vacated land be taken over by the mooted fourth university. We will know that that is the decision all along, but we cannot mention this already-taken step in writing, for the very fact that we may dig out skeletons hidden from sight and rub salt into old wounds. Most probably the costs will never be recovered if the concerned party declares itself insolvent, so the best way to restore good order to the fund managers is to labor on what is already existent, and complete the due process. It reaps social, economic, political and practical dividends and mitigates the potential losses that could have occurred from mis-management. No one will oppose to more schools, as compared to badly translated entertainment products. ~ ~ I somehow see the need to end off on a cautionary note by restating the unambiguous stand that we respect copyrights and give the companies due benefits by virtue of doing so, so please do not have anything that is not quite our own, and for our own sanity, do not share things which are not ours as well. In the (un)likelihood that one has a copy, please allow me to take a look and I will try to translate the product properly before consumption. For work, I want to choose when I go for good. For education, I can already foresee issues like underemployment and over-qualified persons cropping up in the not-too-distant future. weijie froze in time on 21.8.07 Wednesday, August 08, 2007 I am currently writing this entry at a computer terminal within my training institute. It is not that I am very free, but that the gap between lessons borders on the extreme at times. In spite of these arrangements, I can consider myself lucky, as I do not have to rent a hostel to ride out the 6-7 hours that some of my cohort has to go through. I just need to wait 3 hours. for which I am supposed to count my blessings. ~ ~ Earlier, I had to attend to a function which is honestly just one other avenue for spreading the nationalist propaganda. For the student population, this will mean yet another day of public vacation, plus one more on Friday, which I will miss out this year. The institute hosted a catwalk of sorts, and it was fortunate the weather was not inclement, for there were no tentages or anything which could have sheltered the audience. Being the practical person that I am, I chose to plug in to music, picked a nice bench in the shade and half-slept through the event to lunch. Lunch was not that great, but at least it was provided. ~ ~ The event itself was an attempt to unite the scores of students and staff who turned up in red waves (which was a welcome sight from the pink gory legions the day before), and wave cute fluttering flags. I still wished the lesson which was supposed to be held in the morning had gone on, so I had a more valid reason to arrive earlier. The nationalist agenda crescendoed into a chorus of songs and the anthem, which I would have stood up (for a presentation of the false self) if I were still in my previous position. This time, I had better things to do, since a good song was coincidentally playing. ~ ~ We had little kids telling us what is the significance of red and white. Red is for blood and white is for purity, which is rudimentary enough. It is fair game to appreciate and relate in context, the colors which make up the social fabric of the nation, but perhaps a nation would be borne more of bloodshed, which is incidentally red, and of deaths, incidentally white. So we need to see the wholeness of being for its own sake, rather than focus on specific images which certain viewpoints would have one consider, and filter the unsavory. ~ ~ Another incident occurred in a class, where we were looking at the significance of the nation's birthday and agenda. Most of my coursemates adopted viewpoints which I perceived to be anti-establishment. We questioned the necessity of the day itself, and of the various purposes, which needed to be reinforced for a sturdy nationhood. I do not doubt the integrity and purposefulness of the need for solidarity, especially of a young nation. What I would argue, is for a simple logic to be upheld. The confrontational stance is often attractive to the educated (enough) and (self) liberated, and creative ways of boycott were mooted, which I think are just ways to draw attention to a particular agenda. I would argue that elaborate (negative) ways of celebrating the nation's birthday be encompassed into a dinner which congregations, marches and yells hold no meaning. I do not advocate television dinners, and the nation's birthday is not significant enough for me to change my habit. I would have still given my trusty television set a rest, so that I can catch some really bad movies later at night. It is too hard to think of deviant ways to show displeasure, therefore there is no need to trouble ourselves too much, or try to be alternative. This is unless we have the finances to physically get out, which a friend's student had the privilege of, and to Korea, of all places. Thinking about it, it is a fair deal, since the day before was a celebration and the rest of the week are school vacations. Now these people who plan ahead are the really intelligent ones, since it is neither peak (holiday periods) nor crap (examination periods) timing. ~ ~ So in order not to take tomorrow seriously, first skip the nation, if we have not done so already; second, have a good family dinner somewhere the red and white masses cannot harrass you with shrieks and howls, and if all fails, just switch off the (damned) television (there is not even autonomy since I do not have cable) and just concentrate on having a good dinner and dessert with your family. I value that more than any other construct which threatens to rob one of family time, a precious commodity indeed. weijie froze in time on 8.8.07 Monday, July 30, 2007 It has been a week since I am in training. The past week had been rainy, so it was more appropriate to sleep then to attend briefings. Nonetheless, the major difference is that I am paid to attend lessons, rather than being able to select what lessons I wanted to go to. In case it needs mentioning, not attending lessons means truancy, but if we were apprehended every time, most of us would have been dismissed a long time ago. So I dragged myself through the pretty mundane stuff, and had my earphones on during things like community involvement and service learning. Others were willing to risk expulsion by not turning up, so nobody should blame me for being inattentive. (At least I was physically present) ~ ~ Indeed, with time to spare comes great thinking and reflection. Insofar I am in the course, am I ready for the challenges ahead? Preparatory courses can only engage a person so much, and a lot will have to depend on the individual, to perservere and last the distance. This is what some experts call positive thinking, or in my opinion, to live each day as a purposeful day in itself. We should not let the negative events of the previous days permeate the present, because despondence desires company. How far can we rely on the sustaneance of positive vibe, before we explode in a myriad of colors (language and action)? If there is something that can be said about myself, it is that I am almost never angry, or better to put it, emotionless. I have been labeled the shadow, for being out of sight (for practical purposes-boring lectures, or less practical reasons- I am no American ninja) ~ ~ We make a difference to everybody, we have been told, and I can feel it, compared to my previous vocation. It is simply more meaningful, rather than writing hollow papers, which lends credence and makes that bureaucracy the immortal vampire it already is. How do I reconcile my character, almost akin to a zombie, with the nurturer that desires love, care and concern? I am single and swinging, so I guess that I do not hold much baggage, and be able to devote plenty of time, the primary ingredient of a nurturant being. I want to do my best, but being effective and nurturant are mutually exclusive. Some people say that doing work is about being effective, efficient and producing desired outcomes. The more callous ones will add predictability, calculability and strict adherance to methodologies, which are not exactly qualities that are humanistic. Humane person or effective automaton, I already know what I want to be, but can I attain the balance and produce more of the former? ~ ~ On a note, there is this public holiday coming, so it will be good. For me it is simply an extra day to do something I like, at the expense of the country's birthday. A parade has qualities which makes it not seem like what it appears to be, but that is a (necessarily subversive) discussion I can pursue in private capacity. So for the kids out there, enjoy the TWO days you will get. I only get one, I think. weijie froze in time on 30.7.07 Sunday, July 22, 2007 Last friday was the last day in my seconded school. For me, it felt a little unusual as I would be moving on to NIE, despite the fact that schools generally have a high transfer rate, or more appropriately, high attrition rate. In my case, it is an affirmation of sorts, although I still feel somewhat aggrieved my other two colleagues will not be joining me, through no fault of their own, to be honest. I am just a little luckier. ~ ~ On my last day, I only had one lesson, so I tried to make it as routine as possible. I went in with my colleague, who was to take over my duties from the classes, and practised non-interference. Actually, I had done so, since the second week after lessons resumed, just to let the students get used to his style. It is no use defending them or for the fact, trying to play down the misbehaviors, as they will have to adapt, and in the process, become more disciplined. I guess it is my fault for not taking them in hand earlier. In any case, some of the kids apologized for running away and I told them I expected it, since the kids are so used to changes in personnel, I am just disposable in some of their eyes. It is about how they benefitted from my time there that I find more appealing and gratifying, rather than just perfunctory thanks on eventful dates. ~ ~ Nonetheless, I will be lying through my teeth, if I said I did not feel a little more chirpy when students came to look for me after lessons had ended. My form class had presented me with a huge card, resembling a torch (my brother said it looked like a paintbrush) and remarks about me. I can see most of them were obliging, rather than anything heartfelt, and I do not blame them, since I was with them for only four weeks, and of those weeks, I did not teach them personally. Nonetheless, it was a sweet gesture I appreciated greatly. ~ ~ Understandably, I felt more elated when kids I had taken personally, came up to me and wished me well. I chatted quite a lot with them, and some of them said that they could not bear to see me go, and these were candid words indeed. I ended up posing for pictures and telling them more "truths" about myself. I am still not camera-friendly, and one kid even had to tell me I did not look natural. I told them I would be back for teachers' day celebrations, but on hindsight, should I put forth a promise, if I am not posted back again? Would I be another afterthought, or for the matter, trying too hard to be personal? I assured them they will meet me online, if not in person, and I think that suffices. I will see them through till they no longer need me around, in person or in name. ~ ~ Again, I will like to thank everyone for your kind gestures and gifts. For those who did not, no problem, as I can see what you all have been doing to make my stay an enjoyable one. I will be working well and everyone too! weijie froze in time on 22.7.07 Sunday, July 15, 2007 Today I attended Farhan's wedding. He was a JC classmate of mine, and I have not seen him for a good while already. As expected, he was all smiles and best luck to him and Raudah. Some of my JC classmates were there too, and since I was the only man, so it had to be me to take to the stand, and present him our blessings. Of course, we wanted him to show us the results of his communion around July next year. Congratulations to Farhan and Raudah and always be harmonious and full of joy. ~ ~ A couple of my classmates are teaching as well, and I am the youngest in teaching experience. The reluctant call-to-arms and national duty must be the primary reason, although I do realise that I have been unusually quick to decide my previous work was not my cup of tea. It is always an personal agenda of mine to begrudge the military system, since I adhor war and violence of any nature. Thus, a recent episode had been especially enlightening, if not blissfully naive for a man out there. We all know that in a bureaucracy, we are bound to slip on red tape, even if we can get past the ladders at all. A direct and necessarily confrontational approach may speed up processes, but we do know again that movers change the world and stayers adapt. I do not doubt the goodness in his very guts, to voice out the abuses of the system and vagaries that were best termed urban legends. They do exist, but we practise self denial. In escalating the response, we coerce thinking, mediation and correction. We may not change everything, but little by little, we get there. ~ ~ It would not have been me, since I would have been sentenced to purgatory and back, but I digress. It will be a week before I enrol for NIE. I would be especially interested in how the week pans out. I hoped I have done enough to show them the possibilities of education, and enable them to handle their ages and themselves a little better. It would be self-denial to say I do not want to follow them up, and personally I would want to be around in person, to enable this discovery process as they transit into adulthood. What I want to say, is this calls for a concerted effort, both from themselves and the environment, in order to attain the best possible educational and emotional outcomes for themselves and their loved ones. However, this arrangement is not a reality that I can change. This will mean I will not around for some time, and for the sheer necessity of qualifications and incomes, it is necessary to take this step. (I think I am brutally honest here, since I do not belive in saying honeyed words) It is especially satisfying to think that I matter to some, and my gratitude goes out to those students. For the rest, I believe all educators have a good heart, and one cannot go too far wrong obeying, despite the harsh, top-down approach we take. ~ ~ P.S. ~Chrismeen- I cannot find "Morning call", so sorry about that. ~Yingyi- Neither can I find the theme song for the 9pm show, sorry about that too. weijie froze in time on 15.7.07 Friday, July 06, 2007 It is yet another weekend ahead, and I should have some fun. ~ ~ I will be entering the National Institute of Education (NIE) in about 2 weeks' time. Before that, I will be assisting some colleagues and doing adhoc relief largely. Already, I can see that each person has a different approach to class management. This is more than obvious, since some prefer to silence the class, while others adopt a wait-and-see approach. For me, I will believe that to each his/her own, as long as the educational and emotional needs of the kids are largely satisfied. As for that elusive approach that works on 100 percent of the cohort, sadly to say I have not seen one in action yet. ~ ~ As said, I tend towards a more collaborative and reconcilliatory approach, since life is short and one should be happy at any point in his/her life. If life is hard enough at home, then there is no need to make it harder in school. That is not to say discipline is de-emphasized, but that it should not be the end-all of education. I can count on discipline to lead the class, but so far as I can pursue this pedagogic approach, it is useless if the kid is not happy at all. I would rather try to initiate a sense of self-discipline within them, and make them see the value of things for their own sake. I have seen my share of troublemakers, and it is easy to send them out of the system. There are some who are really obnoxious, and I am not so brave to proclaim that I can change the lives of whoever I meet. However it suffices to say, I will definitely help those who want to be helped. ~ ~ There are always some good apples in any crate, and for a particular class, I felt rather ashamed of myself for not preparing better for an adhoc lesson I was supposed to co-teach. I had heard news about that particular class, so I was pretty stunned when one of the girls actually asked me to go over the examination scripts that was not wholly done due to a split class. I was expecting to go over a sample of a news report, but after hearing that they have done it already for the umpteenth time, I could only apologize and had to continue with what I had prepared. I made a promise to go over the script next week, but the arrangement was such I may not be even going into the class at all. It would be good for me to go through the scripts, since I was the marker for their comprehension and summary scripts, but I may not get the chance, unless I propose a remedial for that group, which is not within my purview in the first case. I do not want to be seen as overstepping my boundaries, but I am depriving the kids a chance which the other half of their classmates had. The most likely scenario is that I will just go and inform the students that I will do one on my own accord, and if they wish to hear my comments, ie. marker's comments, they are free to come. Afterall, I owe them a promise I have to keep, and I will do it. ~ ~ On a note, the last thing I will expect my brother to win is to something at athletics. It is a good thing I forced him to do his weight training and running, so that he becomes less of a geek and more of a well-rounded person. He achieved a silver medal for his school's sports meet in 200 metres, so that is pretty remarkable. I was pretty reserved with my praises but feel quite happy nonetheless. At least he is not like his brother. weijie froze in time on 6.7.07 Saturday, June 23, 2007 It has been a rather busy week. I could do less with some of the news that came my way. It is when a demise happens within the extended family that one acknowledges the value of presentism. I am sufficiently detached to feel less painful than I would, but it gnaws on, thinking that perhaps I could be more human otherwise. It was acute, and came without much warning. In any case, rest in peace. ~ ~ Do treasure the people around us. Do not think too much about saving the best for last, because by the time we get to that false utopia, we are not in our golden ages as propaganda will have us believe. We are declining as we speak, so the only time we can somewhat grasp with more confidence (I hesitate on using "certainty") is the present. Believe me when I say, by the time we get to our last breath, we run out of it. So the only way is up and now. ~ ~ My rant originates from recent news, where I read with initial bemusement about bus captains getting some protection from their companies. Supposedly, this campaign is called Save Our Bus Service-providers (aka s.o.b.s.) I regret (tongue-in-cheek) the callousness of this abbreviation. Indeed, we get bus drivers being beaten up, but do their worst, and it is not likely to involve mortality. Perhaps a black eye suffices as a case study, but that is reserved for someone across the causeway. More personally, I am biased without a shadow of a doubt, therefore I make a (somewhat sweeping, but I do not want to clarify) claim that taxi companies are not doing enough to protect the safety of their drivers, who simply get massacred by the passengers in word and in deed. I take offence, simply because of my bias and care for my kin, and baulk at the apparent disdain these corporations are portraying in their "elite, uncaring faces". I am sure people out there, whose kin/friends are in the taxi industry will share my sentiment that their security can be compromised anywhere, anytime. The bus driver probably has some semblance of eye-witness account/s, but a taxi driver often is left to his own (ill) judgment. Afterall, how bad can someone beat up a bus driver when he is on the bus without risking a major collision, but on the other hand, I have seen a least a couple of deaths involving taxi drivers (caused by criminal intent) in the papers this year alone. ~ When bus companies come out forcefully to address such an issue and are further backed by comments from distinguished person/s, the silence is indeed damning for the other constituent members of the public transport industry. 2 things: It either shows a blatant disdain, since the causal explanation is that it was an act of god, or something as arbitrary as an "isolated incident" (I like the connotation, so someone will purposely beat the bus driver in isolated incidents, so why the need for a campaign for isolated acts). This lack of action must imply that they simply do not care, which the logic is really simple to understand. Therein the second line of reasoning must be monetary, since bus captains getting mobbed is bad publicity, but taxi drivers getting mugged is regarded as being plain unlucky. The drama unfolding seems to be that we spend some money and say that beating up bus drivers is wrong, but we play the blame (heavenly bodies') game in robberies or assaults on taxi drivers. ~ Well, to put up a plausible defence, there is your command station and (questionable) safety devices. How good is any safety device when held at knife-point, restrained by the same seat belt that functions as a likely saviour in accidents and as an accomplice in criminal acts? Nothing in my opinion beats the old metal board surrounding the chauffeur seat. It kills body contact between the driver. I like to think they like less contact if they can, and wouldn't the passenger/s as well? It kills off weird smells from the driver as a byproduct too, in case they have been heavy on durians or garlic or gas. In this way, we hear less of alternative national education and verbal diarrhoea, and the drivers get a little more protection. Girls can't be molested, or neither can they accuse the driver of molest. ~ To conclude, so much so this appears to be a complaint, I would insist this is a perfunctory rant at best and nothing substantial should be drawn out or inferred. ~ ~ On a personal note, I received my timetable and duties for the upcoming semester. I will be handing over control of my classes sooner than expected, which may be a good or bad thing, depending on whoever's viewpoint that is. Personally, I think it will be good to cause less disruptions where possible, so an early handover is essential for the new persons to bed in and develop rapport. In any case, I will still do my work, and make the transition less traumatic. We will see what happens. ~ ~ Lastly best wishes out there to two friends who are tying the knot in July, and I should do up a recount or two, if I happen to be freer, or count on creative expression to back this up. weijie froze in time on 23.6.07 Monday, June 18, 2007 On Saturday, I signed myself off to the civil service for 4 years, so that will be my route of advancement (horizontal) till I hit the big three. It did not take a lot of thought; rather it was what I would rather do, than what I would rather not. I have bitched about the service no doubt, yet I am an employee. To be fair, I do not see myself as an over-achiever type, just to do something to keep myself entertained and for others, that they get entertained as well. Subconsciously, this is a mark of a mere do-gooder, although I admit that I deliberately avoid some metal tins at times. ~ ~ When we were young, people always asked, "what is your ambition" or to be simpler, "what will you want to be, when you grow up". Growing up is a very subjective term, and some people blissfully, or thankfully (depending on your encounters) never do. For me, I never thought about it, but rather decided what I will like to learn and find out along the path to this elusive stage, if it happened to me at all. My brother might be a suitable testament. That is probably why at age 21 (who invented this magical number for the transition into adulthood anyway, we must therefore contend it is a product of the state), I picked up the course and proceeded to do a general degree. Today, I still do two of the most general stuff in pedagogy, english and social studies (national education). Perhaps that is why I cannot do very specific disciplines, and work scopes which will have me kissing the computers are strictly out, for the sake of my good health and sanity. ~ ~ Recently, I was conversing with a friend who is an achiever of sorts, we compared our working schedules. I start at 730 and finish around 3-4 on weekdays and give/take half a saturday at times to do overtime. My friend does work from the same time till 10 at night, and consistently exhausts his weekends. Besides the slight begrudging note that we ought to meet up more often (an obvious hint he should abandon his steady sometimes for us), we shared our views on life. Perhaps we should be retirees already, but it is good sometimes to see what we want in life, and to take steps to realise that. My friend is an especially hard worker, and I am not so much. It is easier to work for people, rather than objects; in the same holistic way, that people should live for the intangibles in life. He wants to retire by 40 plus, whereas I am not all confident of retiring post 55. ~ ~ I feel like having a caveat, so here goes. ~ [Start of rambling] ~ First, I posit the government's push to increase retirement age is a step in reducing demand on healthcare subsidies and to address the lack of money in maintaining a manageable lifestyle post-work. Therefore the logic ensues if I am not working at 60, it is my fault, and not the country's. If I become a destitute, that is still my fault, and this leads on nicely to my next point. ~ Second, the concept of working till death is alien in societies like ours, since we still rely on future returns, ie. descendents to sustain our livelihood. As investments (both successful and failed ones) will tell us, there are no guarantees on any returns, what more such an obscure concept as children and kin. The relationship between descendents and sustained livelihood, is best illustrated as an economic one, conveniently called the diminishing marginal rates on returns. So the longer I live, the more of an economic burden I become to myself (since I am sufficiently liable for my own existence). What is more problematic, is that through my own existence, I become a liability to my descendents, by virtue of kinship. No wonder the rate of elder suicides are murky, and these figures are seldom released over here, since they must be largely due to medical and financial inadequacies. The spurious link is deliberately inferential, although it suffices that we all do know why these issues occur at all. ~ Third, it is precisely the raising of age limits that irks me personally, since we are viewed as economic machinations, incapable of taking a break. Driving up retirement ages is merely an attempt to self-medicate, to deliver a prognosis that counts on economic wellbeing for the country first, and as a trickle-down effect, become enabling for its residents. Whether this trickle-down effect takes place at all, will take decades to realise, and ultimately it is an instance of pragmatic policy-making. I cannot suggest an alternative, since I am merely into rambling, but a simple point is that most of us are already making allowances for working into our "golden" years. It is merely turning an option into a legislation. So if that option already exists, the crux of the problem should be, "why are people not taking a break for good after working for so long", rather than "why are there less people to contribute to the economic pie, even though replacement and FT policies are presently implemented". I suspect the motive is noble, in that case, we become assets rather than liabilities, so our descendents and the social assistance personnel will not talk behind our backs. ~ Conclusion: If I am an asset, I dehumanize myself. If I am a liability, I am dehumanized. I cannot win, expecially if work and life are synonymous. ~ [End of rambling] ~ It must be puzzling that for all the medical advances in extending life expectancy, we have not found a sustainable model for living graciously into our wee years. My friend wants to retire comfortably and enjoy more of his elder life, but I say to him, "would you enjoy yourself more, if you were subject to a punishing schedule now, and would I recognise you then?" The implication is that I live and look a little better now, but will be so much poorer for it in the future, besides the minor inconvenience that I probably can only afford one or (pushing it) two major operations, before I become the debt-ridden loser the government probably will inflict euthanasia on, if it could. ~ ~ We decided to concede that each idealogy has its merits, but I prefer to live in the "now". Presently, I am still enjoying my break, and will be heading to NIE for some registration and briefing matters, early work-week. On Friday, my official work-week will begin, with adminsitrative and logistical matters for the coming semester. So it will get busier, but I still hope that I will be able to sustain my work-life balance (one propaganda that I accept, since no work= no money) and live a good existance. weijie froze in time on 18.6.07 Friday, June 08, 2007 It has been a good break so far and one I shall savor for a good while. I expect to get busier after the holidays conclude, with all my returning kids, fresh and tired from play and work (or the other way around). I still have no news if I will still be around at my workplace in July, but I shall not let that worry me or for the matter, anyone at all. ~ ~ It is time for contemplation in any case, and where I will move on. I want to enjoy my break, but at the same time, think really hard about my next one year. If the letter comes, it will be like I am leaving an unfinished task to others to complete it in my absence. Then again, I will need to make a rational decision, since this training must be completed, and I cannot defer it anyway. In addition, the bread and butter is also an issue. I do not know if I was effective, and the person that does take over me would probably be more capable pedagogically, given that he/she was in service for a good one year longer than I am. ~ ~ The reasons above are largely rational and indeed self-actualizing so far I mean it to be. If not, I will be ready to continue, and indeed I have prepared my syllabus for half of term 3 when school resumes, with more work and assignments placed "nicely" at intervals. (Which means less crazy weekends fo ad-hoc lesson planning I was coping with, the last couple of months) I have not talked about expectations; it just suffices to say they can do so much better if I was more competent. Some have done well obviously, which is good. A change in the personnel every few months is not going to help learning and development, and a stable person, at least till the end of the year will be so good for them. ~ ~ The proverbial throw of the coin will be good, and we shall see. ~ ~ A few days ago, I decided to trudge down to this place called the Buddha Tooth Relic Temple (not the real acronym, but it will suffice) with my mum and brother. I always preferred to take shots of artefacts or landscapes rather than people, and it was no exception this time (It was a pity the gold chamber was only for the eyes and there seems to be a problem with uploading of images-will try to fix that when the portal does.) . It was around noon when we reached the temple, so the first thing we did was to head to the basement for lunch. It was air-conditioned (first time I experienced air-conditioning in temples) but the eating hall was also strangely (in my opinion) bathed in pale yellow light. I guess this was to create a relaxing environment, which paved the atmosphere for the remaining duration of the trip. Lunch was bee hoon and mixed vegetables, which was nothing too great, but it is an act of faith, and even if I did not like vegetables a lot, I still did finish my share of the greens (not without some help from mum, and reluctantly from brother). ~ ~ After exhorting that we should head to Maxwell's Food Centre after the meal, (Vegetables fill the stomach quickly but will just come out as quickly, whereas meat stays between the teeth and the aroma lasts longer) we headed to the sanctum on the ground level. It was not as noisy as I would have imagined, and the rushing waft was conspicuous from the lack of burning joss. Rather, the environment was more akin to a Shinto shrine. I was like a tourist, giving scant regard to the sombre surroundings, and snapping at the decorative artefacts callously. It seems a little bit rude to take pictures animatedly, and at the same time, trying not to disturb the monks in practice. Nonethesless, I got some good pictures on the first level from sheer endeavor. ~ ~ Subsequently, the 2nd and 3rd levels were exhibitions about Buddhist doctrines, so there is no need to elaborate. The 4th level was the main sanctum, which were meant for our eyes, since they disallowed photography. I had half a mind to snap a shot and bolt, but I decided it was unbecoming. Suffice to say, this was the first time I have seen so much gold, and the rough estimate is that the lavish chamber is worth tens of millions at least. The 5th level was good, except the problem with one over-enthusiastic cleaner who persistantly stood in my way for a shot. When I asked him if he could politely step aside, I still got a sight of his sleeve fluttering in the air. Some worker they have. ~ ~ We left for the real highlight after 2 hours. We had fish soup, fried kuay tiao and curry noodles. They were good, although the curry noodles were on the salty side, and the curry could have been more flavorful. We packed 14 hum chi pengs for supper, and they only cost 2 dollars. I suppose that is a really good deal, and as a perk you get to fry your own stuff. The only bad thing is that you cannot eat them immediately, because they are straight from the wok; that is why they was meant for home and dad. ~ ~ Insofar it was a good experience for me personally, going to temples is not really for the more adventurous or more secular types. It was more to bring the family out and get some time together. Maybe I will think of something else to do this couple of weeks when I will be largely away from school. weijie froze in time on 8.6.07 Thursday, May 24, 2007 It has almost been two months since I last posted. At first sight, it seems that I am indeed the busier for it, being in my new profession. Well, to speak the truth, I have been finishing earlier, at average times of about 3-4pm. On some good days, and if I figure that students are less eager to look for me (due to factors like bad weather or bad mood or bad hair), I hit the food court and home at 2, on the dot. ~ ~ This week is what the teaching service will term "post-exam week". As such, I ended up bringing taboo and playing that with the kids in my secondary 1 classes, chaperoning kids for arts workshops, National Education (NE) trips and possibly manning a booth in the school's education fair tomorrow, in terms of advanced education or ITE. In addition, I will be doing a panel meeting for underachievers and deserving students of my classes respectively. So far, I have not mentioned anything about teaching as it is. ~ ~ Some friends asked me whether I prefer to do invigilation, where I spend a good 1 or 2 hours of my time walking around, chewing on sweets to keep awake, or to teach a lesson. Seriously, I will rather do some teaching, since I get some interaction, and it is no fun at all during invigilation. I cannot embrace my sadistic nature to yell at a kid during his/her examinations, which is a pretty mundane chore to say the least. During lesson time, I had taken out a few kids for scratching each other, dealt with the instigator of a broken chair that was meant to collapse with the victim when a person were to apply the slightest pressure on it, and inadvertably neutralized (at least I hope so) an incident involving girls. ~ ~ Incidentally, I reprimanded two girls not unlike a courtroom trial, and later they came along and poured their hearts to me about some problems coming their way that caused them to behave the way they did. Their friends were no slouches either and provided good support. I am glad they chose to trust me to help them, and to make sure they were taken care of, outside of my classes, I took the case to the student welfare department. Ever since, the group seems pretty cordial in my class, and I presume I was successful in mediation, although I do not know if they thought I was too meddlesome in alerting the SW department as well. Sometimes, it is just angst, full of air and nothing else. You just need to provide a listening ear and to give them a chance to let go. It will be good if everyone can give and take a little, and not seek to oppress. On the other hand, one of my students apparently saw me counselling the girls, and questioned, tongue in cheek, "so many girls and one man". I would have stuffed him, but not before I made him apologize to the girls. ~ ~ So far (independent of this one-off incident), I think I am more chummy with the girls than the guys, since it is incidentally always the gals that call out when I am far away. Speaking about being chummy, I do feel a tinge of sadness in issuing the results, particularly English. Apparently, I was looking through the absolute marks, and some of the English results are a problem. The crux is that if the boy/gal fails English, he/she cannot be promoted to express class, if he/she was in the stream previously. Relatively, when compared against cohort scores, I amazingly had only 4-5 kids that actually did worse in English, compared to their schoolmates' scores based on PSLE scores. That is to say, even if they had failed (meaning they were expected to be at the bottom end of the proverbial bell curve, the defining point was that their scores were less from the margin than previously anticipated), they had actually improved in their grasp of English compared to their cohort. The irony of it all. ~ ~ So it pains me when I see some of my kids scoring about 40-49. Those below will be hard to salvage, but I sure do know some of these kids do work very hard, and it is only English which fails them. Some of them were appealing to me to add a mark or two somewhere (to make it 50) and when I see these young little souls pleading with me, almost on the verge of tears, I know I had to try. Unfortunately, in the name of fairness (and not because I did not want to) , I could not squeeze anything extra or add anything, simply because I did not mark their composition scripts. Rechecking their comprehension papers myself with the answer scheme did not help either, since the marks were justified and marked correctly. It was a painful experience, I assure you. ~ ~ Examinations aside, I had quite a bit of fun during the last 2 months, but more of the time, it was about discipline. I think I was pretty lax with class management, so I will use the tokens of punishment more liberally after the June holidays. Maybe I will get less call outs and more snarls, but ultimately, I do not want them to suffer when they receive their results, year-end. It is about giving them the best possible chance, which was my duty in the first place. To think about it, I am holding the educational careers of so many express kids (80) in my hands, and considering this aspect, it is tough to tell kids who worked hard or simply some who I warm up to (I admit I am biased), that they failed my subject. As for my secondary 4 students, it was a mix of results, and hopefully my extra lessons helped in some way or another. ~ ~ On a happier note, I met up with my ex primary-school classmates last weekend, and it was good game. Maybe it was not perfect play, considering that some of them seemed really tired, but the idea was there. We should have more fun when schedules are less demanding. weijie froze in time on 24.5.07 Sunday, April 01, 2007 I went to Sentosa with a couple of friends today to sun out, but the weather was pretty haphazard, with a sudden downpour and lack of wind in the evening. In any case, it was a good outing nonetheless, and we managed to catch a glimpse of the new attraction, "songs of the ocean" off the train terminal, and some eye candy as a sideshow. ~ ~ On the first day I assumed appointment at my seconday school, my predecessor left me a whole load of undone and/or slipshod work, and the best thing is he refused to come back, instead choosing to further his relief at another secondary school. I cannot blame him for his actions; why should he take responsibility when he has passed the short end of the stick to me. For instance, he did not do a composition which should be an examinable component for the coming semester. When I asked the classes what he has been doing, they told me he told ghost stories and set little to no work for them. What work he had set, he hardly marked. So it was pretty daunting and I have to try to get work done first, and learning later, through no fault of my own. No wonder neighborhood kids are stuck in the vicious cycle of non-learning, with such a high turnover of teaching staff. (I am the third in 3 months.) ~ ~ Another weird thing was the introductory session for new recruits. Besides the three of us, there was this petite Chinese teacher from China who sat beside me. The problem was she hardly understood a word of English, and I ended up as the default translator, dutifully translating everything into Mandarin. The vice principal asked me if I was in a SAP school, since my Mandarin was pretty fluent, and my translation pretty quick and spot-on. I said I was not, and that I spoke Mandarin at home. She made a note, and I was saying to myself, "oh dear, what if there is a lack of manpower, maybe get me to teach English and Chinese concurrently?" That will be so funny indeed. The weird thing was, how did someone from China who cannot understand basic English get employed over other job seekers, with respect to a few of my friends who had wanted to teach Chinese? This is no discrimination, since I believe her command of the Chinese language is vastly superior, at least compared to me, but she will suffer since this is a totally new (sights and sounds) environment for her. (Kids in China still respect their teacher, unlike the spolit brats here) On hindsight, she is pretty, so I guess that is a bonus over seeing any of my man-friends employed instead. ~ ~ It has been two weeks since. So far, my class discipline is pretty slack, and I am even made fun of, by my female students, for being too nice to them. A boy even tried to introduce me to a PE teacher, and making the both of us feel weird in the process. Nonetheless, we still made some sort of small talk, but for a schoolboy to do that, I must be so disarming indeed. (or I look desperate) I look stern, but have a heart of gold, and give them far too much respect according to them. I have already made a boy cower, and sent two kids to the discipline head for groping and retaliation respectively. In spite of this, I am still too soft apparently. But I cannot destroy a girl's pride as I can destroy a boy's (he will have to face it when he is 18 anyway), or she will be shamed forever, so it is a dilemma all around. How to be impartial, when I risk complaints of abuse if I whack the girl verbally? In addition, I have no idea how to do social studies to noisy NT classes, since social studies is non-examinable, and is an extension of the dreaded national education curriculum. In the end, I ended up playing hangman, setting topics of uniquely Singaporean symbols to stay on topic, (at least I told them the merlion is unnatural, and they should go figure) and that is not counting people who blatantly tattoo each other with pens or walk around. At least they did not play truant, which is commonplace for some of the higher secondary students my friend has to teach. ~ ~ So far, I think I am sufficiently enjoying my stay, and gladdened by the fact, some Sec 4 kids who I am teaching actually asked me to conduct a lesson for them during their lull in lesson timetable. They do not take biology, so they could have a free 1 hour break if they so desired, but they chose to spend it with me, so that is a compliment I guess. So I did an impromptu lesson on oral and topical discussion for them. One thing I do not know is whether the level which I pitched my teaching, was suitable. For instance, for oral discussion, I asked them to consider alternative interpretations, and that history is the word of the victors, who then wrote "histories", for instance in the case of World War 2. Japanese texts, in contrast to other Asian countries, tell a different variation of the story known as post-war history. I hope they can pick up skills to interpret, differentiate, and ultimately build up all-purpose skills to tackle the pictorial and topical components of the oral examinations. It may be too hard, but I guess they will have to pick it up anyway in JC/poly, so might as well teach them something they are not likely to pick it up in secondary 4 english language classes. There is still so much fire fighting and rote learning at this level, though. ~ ~ Hopefully I can use less of my voice to yell at them soon, and more to tell them some good. I still want my voice for weekends, and no sane person will want to lose his voice on rest days. Hopefully I get some work done soon, since there is effectively only 5 weeks left, before mid-year exams set in. weijie froze in time on 1.4.07 Wednesday, March 14, 2007 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JAKYRPhUUe4 I felt really cranky and decided to look up some interviews done by sporting professionals of the late 80s and early 90s. More pertinent was the fact I wanted anything inane, and the above was a good one. I thought some of his comments were really sane, and may decide to use them sometimes in pedagogy. You might try to provoke deep thoughts in a friend using some lines below. Again, all copyrights are firstly of the public media, and secondly my fault for partial plagiarism. (I adapted them to be reflective of life in general) ~ ~ 1. Teaching Trigonometry. ~ Random Guy: 180 degrees, (I turn) 180 degrees. 360 degrees, (I turn) 360 degrees yeah! minus 180 degrees (I turn), and now you are talking to me. (Muted silence...) ~ Me: I am a comedian yeah! I am looking at you right into you right now, I am right now, no I can't understand what I am talking about right now... ~ ~ 2. Teaching Geography. ~ Unbelievable! Time Distortion...space is the place. Go down the lonesome highway but don't be hypnotized. Reincarnation does not have to be. You can concentrate and you cannot. But the beat goes on, but the beat goes on! ~ ~ 3. Teaching Civics and Moral Education. ~ Talking about the greatest professional that ever lived, I am the greatest professional that ever lived and I am living right now. Yeah! Right now. ~ ~ 4. Teaching Sexuality. ~ Since I can't sing and I can't dance, but I can make romance, yeah! (Rhyming couplets FTW) ~ ~ 5. Setting Targets. ~ Right there, at the fork in the road, I say go right, *** say go left and I went right, and then, and then, I understand what the situation was, and I went over that one bridge YEAH! and then when I crossed the bridge, I found out that I was on the right side, YEAH! And *** was on the right side YEAH! And then, and then, I said, I am going straight to the top YEAH! ~ ~ If anyone wants to read more stuff, try googling the man that is warrior warrior. His blog entries are much longer than mine, and dare I say, pretty philosophical. I am no convert though. Have a nice day. But the beat goes on, but the beat goes on! weijie froze in time on 14.3.07 Friday, March 02, 2007 Time really flies. It has been about a month since I left work behind and re-embraced leisure. During this time, I must say I enjoyed myself sufficiently but reality sets in. There seems to be a lack of focus I cannot exactly pinpoint, but is gnawing into me. Insofar I enjoy my newly found freedom, I need to ponder how I am going to tackle employment post March. It is definitely not easy to regain the impetus to labor, to go back to past routines, a disciplined lifestyle. ~ ~ I am the envy of my working friends, and surely by now, some of you all will appreciate a mid-career break or two. Chinese New Year brings about both reflection and contemplation, and I certainly do not refer to its inferior imposter, 1st January. It is precisely the nature of CNY that leads to assessment of self, in terms of where, what and how one stands. My two younger cousins are blissfully attached, and could be tying the knot in a couple of years (I may get the red letter this year if the couple shotguns or something, but that is besides the point). I find myself mingling more with the older folks rather than my peers. The centre of attention largely was on me (if I happened to be near the conversation circle) , my progress in life's necessary stages, and implicitly my route to middle age. A quarter century old is a big deal then for my parent's generation. Not so much for me. ~ ~ Bemoaning the fact I have not achieved so much as to present a tick off list of do's, I will try to do better in my next career option. Hopefully, it will pick up from there. I have heard horror stories, and in fact my eldest cousin has kindly verified their authenticity, and some cases happened to be at a girl's school in her case. Well, a wet dream wiped dry for my lustier man-friends (fiends) who thought it would be the best move of my life to one. I cannot pick my next destination, so again, I will let destiny decide where I end up at, at least for the couple of months I will be attached. ~ ~ For March I will try to visit more places, and read up a little on subjects I will be tasked to teach. I am no conformist, but have to shadow some of my extrinsic impulses and perform to expectations. Not unlike the bureaucrats in office. Black and White, despite its antiquity, remains the best and surest way forward, job-wise. I will have to spend less time in front of the computer playing games (considerably less than I did in the past and sometimes when I am done after 3-4 hours, I question myself why I spend a good full day like this). I tried to exercise during this period and achieved limited success, since I can begrudgedly do some proper running compared to returning home at 7. By the time I start work, I fully expect to go back to square one. ~ ~ Indeed life is work, and work is life. Work-life balance is a fallacy that is crafted to soothe man's desire for self fulfilment. Life is only good insofar you manage your career outside of work, which like governance is a necessary evil. Protestants work hard to achieve salvation, whereas some denominations will attempt to liberate themselves through establishing continuity, essentialism and permanence of faith. Some pray hard enough and salvage a proper life. Many others work hard enough to savor the future. Many pass on without achieving either. I suppose many enjoy their work, and will count on work as a marker, a namecard of sorts when it comes to their dwindling moments. Tangible results for the greater cause of humanity, for the greater organization, for repentence and judgment are but gross atrocities if we ignore kinship and friendship around us. I must be really one naggy person, with the re-emphasis to live life for its present, and simply at that. ~ ~ On current affairs, I am a selfish ingrate since I opted out of the scheme known as HOTA immediately upon receipt some years back. I could care less about humanity, if it satisfies myself that my loved ones are at peace. (if anyone had not made a decision thus far, do take time to consider it with your parents NOW, since nothing knows the future but the present itself) But also take note that if anything untoward happens, I will be placed last for being an uncaring a**. I will stand up if any of my loved ones need an organ or something; I just cannot foresee myself being incapable of choice, to choose who I want to survive myself (both meanings intended) . But I accept my fate anyhow it deals my cards. ~ ~ The preceding paragraph is an alert of sorts, since I do not believe everyone is as altruistic as what the governing body thinks. I think I ranted a little too much as well, so forgive me if you have read thus far. On a note, everyone I know is fine so may it be this way. weijie froze in time on 2.3.07 Sunday, January 28, 2007 I went with my brother to watch SHE perform at the indoor stadium. Incidentally, Singapore played against Malaysia at National Stadium, so the road was more congested than usual. We got on the bus opposite Lucky Plaza, and our foresight was justified, as people with scary red shirts waved angrily as our (almost) full bus sped by the next few stops. Three slim ladies held up the inner half of the bus, so they do make up a market, which is unusual given their absolute sizes. Some people could be motivated to move within, but we were more interested in the SHE crowd, rather than the seasonal red tide. ~ ~ The three ladies got off at the National Stadium, so they were there to watch football. We could do without them, since it is likely they will hold up the return trip as well. It must be the hype, or a case of people simply wanting to revisit the nostalgia before the distant and unfriendly-sounding "sports hub" rears its head. Then again, people only value objects just before their demises, and people and their respective relationships are no better. ~ ~ To cut a long story short, SHE performed very credibly, and belted out their signature numbers and some others ably. Fahrentheit was raw, as can be expected, and Stefanie was a welcome addition, with her raw energy. A snippet for people who do not know, Ella can really mimic Stefanie rather well. Given the crowd was mainly youth ladies below 20, I still did wonder why Fahrenheit was cheered so loudly, to the extent it seems to make SHE a little embarrassed with their previous receptions. Thank goodness it was remedied by the subsequent performances. To Fahrenheit's credit, the boyband phased themselves out rapidly, while my brother and I contemplated visiting the loos. I think many did the same, so we did not. Imagination is more important than mere words, so I took some pictures to ease my long windedness. ~ ~ Hebe on the drums (Selina's Latin number and Ella on piano [playing david tao's ai heng jian dan] are blurry so it is not bias I only decided to upload Hebe's). I think this is my best shot, but somehow it looks distorted after montage online. Stefanie as special guest. It should be a rendition of meng bu luo when this was taken. By the way, Stefanie does sound different on her live performances, where I think her pitching is slightly raised to accomodate the reverberations of the less than satisfactory sound system. ~ A sideshow was that geraldine shi, an alumni of campus superstar also sat around my area. Girls flocked up to geraldine when Fahrenheit was in action. I have no pictures for both of them. SHE and purple lights. Think they used almost all the colors of the rainbow as their limelights, but I am lazy to upload all of them (around 10 plus, and I think I am too stringent, deleting like close to 50 blurry pictures). The dramatic effect is nothing like Rain's (if reports are to be believed), but give me three singing gal gal, over over-pricing. Even Clapton only commanded $488 two weeks back. Good music>good pyrotechnics. SHE with cat mascots, which double up as air-cushioned seats. The cats are really cute, and probably in sync with Chinese New Year.Those ubiquitous zhao cai cats comes to mind. In any case, Selina is with the red cat, Ella is with the blue one and Hebe is with the yellow equivalent. Sort of representative, if you think about it. ~ ~ To be honest, it was a good performance, although they were a little nervous at the beginning. (Probably it was the nuan chang, so tempo had to be built gradually) Hebe has some problems with her pitching towards the end, which I think could be the strain of the performance. By comparison, Mayday had more groove but again, I am guilty of nitpicking and more pertinently, comparing apples and oranges. Going home was a disaster, as the lions somehow nicked a win against the tigers, after penalties. The timing must be kelonged, as both sets of audiences bottle-necked at the bus stops. We got on the first bus after half an hour of waiting (2350 hrs), being aided by many ladies who pushed us up inadvertantly. Good luck to the rest left behind, they probably could just hit the taxi stands, as the subsequent three to four stops had similarly large crowds. I wonder why the uncle I was chatting to, did not make the bus, despite the fact he was standing just beside me. He had more grace, it seems, despite lookingnice and comfy in singlets and shorts. I would favor his odds for a fight up the bus. I nudged my brother to keep his hands to himself, and mine to myself, as it was that crowded. Still we were packed within, and running into the MRT station was fruitless, as we just missed the last train service, 1 minute earlier. Fortunately the night rider was good to go, but the downside was that we spent 15 minutes walking home from a more distant stopover. At least it was a really cool, breezy walk to round up the day. weijie froze in time on 28.1.07 Saturday, January 27, 2007 I just feel like re-pasting a previous post from another portal about a year ago, when I first watched dark waters. It is still as poignant as ever for me. ~ ~ I have just watched Dark Waters at the time of entry (I know it is a dated film, but I am a cultural laggard). It is not about the horror but the semblance of time and love that struck me right at my deepest core. The mother protects her girl with all her effort, while playing her maternal role in the salvation of the less fortunate otherworldly child, who drowned (and came back for parental care). The personification of evil in this movie is not really one, as it surely is at best a despondent soul who seeks enlightenment, albeit in a fashion that deprives another. What really got my attention, is the last scene where the slow-motions show parents picking up kids one by one, till one remains. Will the incident repeat itself? Fortunately, the mother comes by just in time. ~ ~ It must seem rudimentary and even be taken for granted when things go according to how we expect them to be, just as the mother in the movie. When is it that your parent last missed picking you up from kindergarten or primary school altogether, if we still do remember? Do we take things too easily, and assume that every little thing ends up being accounted for elsewhere else, to be picked up upon at a farewell address somewhere down journey's end? The little girl, whose wide eyes survey and ponder at her non-corporeality, are familiar figures if we observe hard enough. We see our parents around, but at best give them a nod of the head or grunt for a moment's peace. The kid who asks the parents for some time, but ends on his own, in a little deluded world. The parent who asks the child for some time, but ends up on her own, in a little deluded world. ~ ~ In the pursuit to make our lives richer and richer, is there something that gnaws a cavity in the heart as we lay our pockets with security, right down to an end in itself? What is sacrifice, if it can bring about salvation that we lead a more fulfiling life in memory, and of memory? To move ahead confidently, we pick up others with us, not leave others behind. ~ ~ It is easy to dream as it is easy to recall, but it is harder to reminisce. It is easy to satiate the mundanely physical, but much harder to soothe the metaphysical. I like to think that consensus is easy, but it retards others in your life to move on as well, just as a simple yes does not necessitate that everyone will be better off from agreement. Engaging a past long gone is problematic, just as nostalgia does not mean that we want to go back to the past. Such is the frivolous nature of humanity, that we ignore close realities, and burden ourselves with what we cannot see, or expect to see in some future. Most times, if we do view it then, we cannot retrace the previous vantage point anymore. Revisiting is not an option of life, as is regret. The girl in the movie has a chat with her mother 10 years after the sacrifice, within separate dimensions. She revisits, she recounts, she remembers (interaction both ways). Do we have similar time and space to conduct such conversations? I read in a book a while back, that people do not tell their loved ones that they love them, till ten minutes before they pass on. Then they pass on. After they pass on. ~ ~ Legacy is useful, but is redundant to me, at least. Why wait? Not at least love, but at least that we do not overlook our immediates as pedestrian. As necessary as it seems, we do pass up at the last moment. We might as well play the fool and allow others to assume the farce. We do know fools end up better off at times. weijie froze in time on 27.1.07 Friday, January 19, 2007 Today, I went with mum to get some new year goods and groceries at IMM, in Jurong. Along the way, we were just looking around at the student crowds heading in the same direction, towards NUS. Most of them, if they were students, dressed pretty casually; some were wearing bermudas and slippers. So I just told mum that my dressing during varsity days was the norm, and I did respect the institution, just taking a much more liberal stance. She gave me a pained look, and said people nowadays show much disdain for educational institutions, and in the process, the people running the programmes. ~ ~ It was not unexpected that students do show less fervor towards education nowadays. I think that students are learning too much for their own good, contrary to the notion that education was primarily supposed to make one more knowledgeable. We must remember the internet has descended upon us, and with it, multitudes of information at the press of some buttons. So whatever can be taught, is easily more accessible, bridging the digital divide, rather than listening to some man rattle off. It helps if the instructor/teacher looks someone like felicia or shirley, or for generation 90s, kenix (she still looks good though in my opinion) are doing the talking instead. I cannot judge for the ladies, since I am not privy to, individualistic qualities of masculine attractiveness. Maybe someone will have the hots for bobby, I cannot tell. ~ ~ Since the teacher is not a repositery of information, as he used to monopolize during my days, it can be said that the teacher has evolved into a bureaucratic engine, merely serving his presupposed functions, and hiding his lack of current knowledge behind a facade of superiority. Not a wonder the students tend to rebel against a teacher, who reads as he talks, walks as he talks, and the students walk too, physically, mentally and spiritually. Now teachers are entertainers, and to a certain extent, clowns who play to the crowd (and their paymasters) doing up activities, initiatives and ad hoc work, that would look better in resumes (the better looking the higher up in the bureaucratic hierarchy) than a student's development. ~ ~ What is it, that students really want? I would like to think that students can read up for themselves, and they do not need a voice recording machine to tell them again. Either way, if you have read the work, you will yawn, and if you have not, you will yawn too. So teachers are not really educators, in that the syllabus is already nicely mapped out, and the idea is to bulldoze through these materials, with ample time to prepare for examinations. Do we need students to understand 70 percent of work, and leave 30 percent out totally, or go through 90 percent, when what the students understand may be half of that? Now teachers are automatons, and automatons are good things, since they are more precise than the public bus service. ~ ~ Do we need more self righteous moralizing? Is it useful for education to rationalize the pains of the past, or to wax lyrical about the future? Is deviance necessarily wrong? Why should certain objects/events be demonized, and for the fact certain groups of people, or individuals? Is it good to be pragmatic or idealistic? I believe it is hard to instruct and to direct, is merely to mislead, as in the case of the blinded leading themselves. What we should do, is to present a case, and not prescribe a route. In taking a supposedly moral path, we tend to foremost, address ourselves as the righteous entity, and it is so much easier for teachers to adopt the moral high ground, of disciplines and punishments, so that he fits perfectly in the system. Apathy is common, as is antipathy. Both are extremes, and a serious product brought about education. We like to ignore, and hate, so we become less burdened by the challenges life brings about. Becoming the moral authority will not help, since it subjugates someone else at the expense of some perceived superiority. Students do not like authority, and necessarily detest people who are symbols of the order. So teachers find it harder to be moral animals. ~ ~ What can I do about it, given that I am soon to enrol? I have no answers, except to allow myself to embrace reality a little more succinctly and to live life as well as I can, to make others around me that little happier. Being irreverant does help, although I am always mocked for being too happy-go-lucky. What is a teacher for me? I am an emotionless man, and a pretty heartless one at that. I have never remembered a teacher well, or revisited anyone after my educational career was through. A teacher is many things he does not want to be, and the last thing on his mind, is that he becomes an engineer of zombies, creating hordes of walking dead. Alive in being, dead in vitality. I would be a leader of none. weijie froze in time on 19.1.07 Thursday, January 11, 2007 Yesterday, I signed on the contract teaching appointment letter. I will be taking up this appointment on 19th March, so it is a pretty long wait. It is understandable that MOE wanted us to wait a while, since people need to provide grace, settle formalities or simply ease up a little. Moreso, the date is the first day of the schooling calendar's second term, so our entry will cause minimal disruptions. So I have about 2 months to do some stuff I like. Indeed, my previous organization has an excellent resignation service, where early resignation only takes one day. Incidentally, I was still under probation, so I guess it facilitates the ease of departure. (Not that I did very well, I would like to think I somehow stagnated, so it is a better option for all involved) ~ ~ I was talking to this guy in his early 30s and his reasons for teaching. This guy did sales, computing, IT since graduation. Somehow, he did not feel attached, and lost his sense of purpose. So he decided to give a shot at teaching. My resume is less comprehensive than his, but the major crux is that he was tired of working in the private sector, while mine was job scope. I do not know if this same purpose the guy proposed will be similar for myself, but I suspect it will be more rewarding personally. I am a realistic person, and I know that in a crate of apples, there are premium, ordinary and some worm-ridden ones. So we will see what happens. ~ ~ On a note, I was notified by my university mates that one professor in the sociology department died from a heart attack, when he was consulting with another graduate student. In any case the name Ananda Rajah is vaguely familiar, he is the anthropology guy wearing jeans in formal classes and chain smoking quite a bit. More remarkably, he was late half the time in his lectures (up to half an hour) but always made sure everyone received everything they needed by dismissal time. He was a good man, and peace be with him. ~ ~ Life can be snuffed out in an instant. Since the past is already with us and the future is unfolding before us, the only time that we can grasp with both hands is the present. I always advocate presentism, as what can be done effects the moment now. Do not think too hard about the future, for the future seldom turns out the way predicted. More not than often, it sidetracks the real self, and forces an over-arching view of everything, that we foresake the real, singular, and necessarily biased individual(s) we deal with right here, right away. The past is a relatively good indicator of the future, and we do draw experiences based on past perspectives, but it should not be the only guiding principle for the present. Dwelling on pasts locks one down into greying memories and long gone intangibles, when the present tangibles are still waiting to be colored by the power of our actions. To live longer or to leave enough; both are paradoxical if we superimpose into the futures. To live less or to leave less, both are inconsequential if we withdraw into the pasts. People think too hard sometimes it is not worth the effort. weijie froze in time on 11.1.07 Saturday, December 30, 2006 I have just finished a ghost show with my brother on channel U. It has been a while since I am on such a long break. The weather has been extra gloomy, what with the incessant rains and biting winds that refuse to relent for the past 2 weeks. Nonetheless, it helps that the rainstorms brought down the temperature range and also provided for some welcome relief from the past months of blazing sun. All mothers will complain that clothes do not dry quickly enough for use during this period. I rather liked the rain, although it is too much of a chore to wake up, especially in the midst of hibernating conditions. The umbrella in my bag also proved to be more useful than usual, although crowds congregated too close for comfort in sheltered areas. Obviously, we needed to seek warmth amongst one another. ~ ~ The rains also refresh the being. Where it was suffocating within, being pattered by raindrops does alert you to the realities of life, that you cannot have the best of worlds. When they hit, you feel that tingling touch, and for me, it is liberating somehow, like a massage session. The noisy traffic becomes less audible, as nature takes command. People tend to be louder, but I tend to escape the masses in shelters and head out alone, protected from the elements by the trusty brolly. The mind takes a journey into past days, when coffee and bed were the norm, and I just had to laze about, while waiting for hot dinner. Nowadays, it has become distant, and indeed, life is sobering in this aspect. Dreams are made of the most fragile stuff, and memories are somewhat stronger, although equally as intangible. Reality manifests as a chain binding you to many loyalties, all at once. ~ ~ One should not compare, for one will never ever match another one else's achievements. Similarly, we assume different roles as we approach different stages, and necessarily incremental in position. We assume positions of graver importance, of economic and social necessity. It will be foolhardy to think about lazing around endlessly, passing by life as if it were a god-given. Nonetheless, framing certain aspects of life might prove more enlightening for the individual. A friend asked if I would take 30 thousand a month if the catch would be to slog like an animal for 10 plus years now. In the past, I would be hesistant. Now I will say no. I thought I will be more pragmatic, and people have always thought me so. Indeed, I am still realist, but I think I need to be a little bit more reckless, and try to have a good living, my way. I talk about bread and butter, and less about one another, even when I meet up friends. That should change. ~ ~ On a note, I have received my offer to do contract teaching, following which I will doing NIE studies. I will take up the offer, although the NIE route requires me to actualize my faith by holding me to my word. Another would-be teacher for the sacrifice, and I have heard horror stories about unruly parents, students and colleagues who destroy the soul of the unwilling, and waver the soul of the bold. I am offered english (the irony) and social studies (I am the antithesis of NE, people should know), so I wonder how the syllabus will be like. Some stuff of sociology are actually pretty deviant in the case of NE, so application will be interesting. Most probably, I will be doing duties at a secondary school so it will have to be wait and see. Life should be less regimented then, although I like my schedule presently, leaving on the dot. However, education has always been something I am open about, so teaching can be a serious mistress, while I make plans to leave my wife. I will miss the stable hours though. But a mistress is indeed traversing dangerous domain, and flirting with her for a few months is crucial to find out my aptitude towards her. ~ ~ weijie froze in time on 30.12.06 Sunday, December 10, 2006 It has been the same programme for the last few weeks. Thus, it was a welcome relief when I got a complimentary ticket to drink beer and watch a concert last wednesday evening. The beer part was nonexistent, since it was my own wishful thinking that I will be provided beer at the stadium. Nonetheless, I am pretty embarassed to say that this is my first live (popular) concert that I have attended, other than some artistic performances or dance routines I cannot comprehend the profundity of. ~ ~ The artistes were chen sheng (some old singer), huang pin guan (formerly one half of the now defunct wu ying liang pin) and mayday (wu yue tian). Chen started the balls rolling, when he jested about being tasked to ignite the crowd. Understandably, the crowd was muted about, when even a oldie listener like I am, did not know the number he was singing. It ended up that it was a "new" song. It dawned on me that it was actually a duet with Cheer Chen, titled "happy fish" or something, incidentally having the same name as a rerun on Channel 8. Well, I think that teens nowadays do not listen to as wide a reportoire of songs nowadays, and are too quick to delve into ballads, rap, hip hop and R and B. Not that it matters, since teens can listen to anything now, with just a touch of a button. I still recall the days when songs were hearsay, or had to be introduced by deejays who had compelling desires to enhance listening tastes of their audiences. The archaic cassette tapes are now in one recess of the storeroom, since nothing works with them anyway today. ~ ~ Well, Chen was having such a hard time warming up the crowd, since the teens must have been drinking too much water prior to the concert, and toilet trips were so frequent it was not funny. I actually enjoyed the Hokkien song he was performing with a guy (his protege who sang the opera in his hit, One Night In Beijing), since it was pretty off beat. Chen's droning delivery was boring a lot of people nonetheless, who were obviously here for the latter singers. After an hour (way too long), Huang took over and charmed his fans with the usual delivery of ballads, and a medley of sorts on his guitar. Obviously I am not a fan, as I think they are too syrupy for my preferences, but who cares about me, if the crowd is lapping it up. Incidentally, the crowd in front of the stage swelled, and considerably less people needed to empty themselves. One thought I had, was that Huang has a pretty mechanical delivery, that did not veer or surprise. It was like he sang his all his numbers in the same fashion, and has not evolved in terms of vocal maturity. In a way, I could be listening to his record, and it should not make a difference. I guess that being safe in his choice of songs enables him to captivate the select audience again and again, which is what ultimately determines the fate of the artiste anyway. ~ ~ Mayday came out to rousing cheers, that even I was impressed with. The crowd was clearly here for Mayday, and it showed when they brought the house down with deliveries of sun wu kong, lian ai-ING, and a few other songs I do not know the titles of. I was amazed by the individual performances on their respective instruments, akin to performing trickshots in billiards. A good live band was clearly the winning formula, and although I am still not a converted fan, I am satisfied with their energetic performances, and self-depreciating antics. The downer is the fact I had to leave at 11 (the media reported the concert to end past 12) due to self imposed demands. I should have taken ill, but the rain earlier did not get to me. ~ ~ That was wednesday, and today is yet another weekend. I am relying on externalities to keep me blissfully satisfied, and that I seem to have sold my soul to the devil again, of all things. I have been warned, and yet I plunged, akin to most faiths. As usual, I do my fair share, and hope for the best elsewhere. In a way, I learnt to immerse myself into trivial things and be less serious, since weekdays were meant to be exchanged for bread, butter and a dollop of cash. I actually took the time to study all the labels and on-site promotions when I was shopping with mum, and actually spotted a few discounts even my mum did not note. I played some badminton with my brother, the first since a few weekends back (weather was bad or I was out). I decided I will be cranky, and had some good fun monkeying around. I tried to borrow some books to read, as what I have done in the past, but failed. In a way for me, reading was taboo, except gossip and news. I simply do too much reading now, and they are obsolete for weekends and beyond. I still think I will get in some books to read, since I have not been reading as frequently as I will have liked. I probably just need some settling-in period to begin. ~ ~ Life can be better, but at least I am better off than some others, since everyone is with me. That is the best gift you can give to anyone, and the best gift one can give me. weijie froze in time on 10.12.06

_______________ My Profile .......... Weijie 25 wishlist: _______________ My Friends .......... Brother Jane Florence Phyllis Allan Wai Yeung Yingyi Tianwei Chrismeen Yanni Jiong Teck Caifang Jeslin Joyce Angie Evangeline Joan Rachel Benson Jovin Regent 1-3 blog Regent 1-6 blog Regent 1-9 blog _______________ My Links .......... Friendster _______________ My Tagboard ..........