:MY DaY MY WaY:

Friday, March 02, 2007 Time really flies. It has been about a month since I left work behind and re-embraced leisure. During this time, I must say I enjoyed myself sufficiently but reality sets in. There seems to be a lack of focus I cannot exactly pinpoint, but is gnawing into me. Insofar I enjoy my newly found freedom, I need to ponder how I am going to tackle employment post March. It is definitely not easy to regain the impetus to labor, to go back to past routines, a disciplined lifestyle. ~ ~ I am the envy of my working friends, and surely by now, some of you all will appreciate a mid-career break or two. Chinese New Year brings about both reflection and contemplation, and I certainly do not refer to its inferior imposter, 1st January. It is precisely the nature of CNY that leads to assessment of self, in terms of where, what and how one stands. My two younger cousins are blissfully attached, and could be tying the knot in a couple of years (I may get the red letter this year if the couple shotguns or something, but that is besides the point). I find myself mingling more with the older folks rather than my peers. The centre of attention largely was on me (if I happened to be near the conversation circle) , my progress in life's necessary stages, and implicitly my route to middle age. A quarter century old is a big deal then for my parent's generation. Not so much for me. ~ ~ Bemoaning the fact I have not achieved so much as to present a tick off list of do's, I will try to do better in my next career option. Hopefully, it will pick up from there. I have heard horror stories, and in fact my eldest cousin has kindly verified their authenticity, and some cases happened to be at a girl's school in her case. Well, a wet dream wiped dry for my lustier man-friends (fiends) who thought it would be the best move of my life to one. I cannot pick my next destination, so again, I will let destiny decide where I end up at, at least for the couple of months I will be attached. ~ ~ For March I will try to visit more places, and read up a little on subjects I will be tasked to teach. I am no conformist, but have to shadow some of my extrinsic impulses and perform to expectations. Not unlike the bureaucrats in office. Black and White, despite its antiquity, remains the best and surest way forward, job-wise. I will have to spend less time in front of the computer playing games (considerably less than I did in the past and sometimes when I am done after 3-4 hours, I question myself why I spend a good full day like this). I tried to exercise during this period and achieved limited success, since I can begrudgedly do some proper running compared to returning home at 7. By the time I start work, I fully expect to go back to square one. ~ ~ Indeed life is work, and work is life. Work-life balance is a fallacy that is crafted to soothe man's desire for self fulfilment. Life is only good insofar you manage your career outside of work, which like governance is a necessary evil. Protestants work hard to achieve salvation, whereas some denominations will attempt to liberate themselves through establishing continuity, essentialism and permanence of faith. Some pray hard enough and salvage a proper life. Many others work hard enough to savor the future. Many pass on without achieving either. I suppose many enjoy their work, and will count on work as a marker, a namecard of sorts when it comes to their dwindling moments. Tangible results for the greater cause of humanity, for the greater organization, for repentence and judgment are but gross atrocities if we ignore kinship and friendship around us. I must be really one naggy person, with the re-emphasis to live life for its present, and simply at that. ~ ~ On current affairs, I am a selfish ingrate since I opted out of the scheme known as HOTA immediately upon receipt some years back. I could care less about humanity, if it satisfies myself that my loved ones are at peace. (if anyone had not made a decision thus far, do take time to consider it with your parents NOW, since nothing knows the future but the present itself) But also take note that if anything untoward happens, I will be placed last for being an uncaring a**. I will stand up if any of my loved ones need an organ or something; I just cannot foresee myself being incapable of choice, to choose who I want to survive myself (both meanings intended) . But I accept my fate anyhow it deals my cards. ~ ~ The preceding paragraph is an alert of sorts, since I do not believe everyone is as altruistic as what the governing body thinks. I think I ranted a little too much as well, so forgive me if you have read thus far. On a note, everyone I know is fine so may it be this way. weijie froze in time on 2.3.07

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