:MY DaY MY WaY:

Monday, July 30, 2007 It has been a week since I am in training. The past week had been rainy, so it was more appropriate to sleep then to attend briefings. Nonetheless, the major difference is that I am paid to attend lessons, rather than being able to select what lessons I wanted to go to. In case it needs mentioning, not attending lessons means truancy, but if we were apprehended every time, most of us would have been dismissed a long time ago. So I dragged myself through the pretty mundane stuff, and had my earphones on during things like community involvement and service learning. Others were willing to risk expulsion by not turning up, so nobody should blame me for being inattentive. (At least I was physically present) ~ ~ Indeed, with time to spare comes great thinking and reflection. Insofar I am in the course, am I ready for the challenges ahead? Preparatory courses can only engage a person so much, and a lot will have to depend on the individual, to perservere and last the distance. This is what some experts call positive thinking, or in my opinion, to live each day as a purposeful day in itself. We should not let the negative events of the previous days permeate the present, because despondence desires company. How far can we rely on the sustaneance of positive vibe, before we explode in a myriad of colors (language and action)? If there is something that can be said about myself, it is that I am almost never angry, or better to put it, emotionless. I have been labeled the shadow, for being out of sight (for practical purposes-boring lectures, or less practical reasons- I am no American ninja) ~ ~ We make a difference to everybody, we have been told, and I can feel it, compared to my previous vocation. It is simply more meaningful, rather than writing hollow papers, which lends credence and makes that bureaucracy the immortal vampire it already is. How do I reconcile my character, almost akin to a zombie, with the nurturer that desires love, care and concern? I am single and swinging, so I guess that I do not hold much baggage, and be able to devote plenty of time, the primary ingredient of a nurturant being. I want to do my best, but being effective and nurturant are mutually exclusive. Some people say that doing work is about being effective, efficient and producing desired outcomes. The more callous ones will add predictability, calculability and strict adherance to methodologies, which are not exactly qualities that are humanistic. Humane person or effective automaton, I already know what I want to be, but can I attain the balance and produce more of the former? ~ ~ On a note, there is this public holiday coming, so it will be good. For me it is simply an extra day to do something I like, at the expense of the country's birthday. A parade has qualities which makes it not seem like what it appears to be, but that is a (necessarily subversive) discussion I can pursue in private capacity. So for the kids out there, enjoy the TWO days you will get. I only get one, I think. weijie froze in time on 30.7.07

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